Newlyweds: The First Year – Happily Ever After ( The Finale)

Hey Fatties,

The last episode of Newlyweds left us feeling happy for some couples and uncertain about the future for others. Let’s get started.

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Kim and Alaska

The show finally started off with Kim and Alaska!  Congrats you guys!  As a result of Alaska working on the West Coast, the couple flew from different coasts and met up in Mexico.  There, we saw Kim overcome her fear of Dolphins and Alaska overcome his fear of taking a couples shower.  How brave you both are!  Another important thing the viewers got to see was Alaska and Kim’s genuine attraction and affection for each other.  It was all going great, until they had a conversation at dinner on their last night in Mexico.  Alaska feels like separation, as a result of work, is a good thing for their relationship because he still feels like they are dating.  Afterwards, he tells Kim he still looks at her like she is his girlfriend and she said that was unsettling to hear.  She thought that after a year of being married, emotionally they would be in a different place. We were left seeing the two walk into the sunset and feeling scared about what is to become of their union.

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Kathryn and John

Kathryn finally has baby Dean, via an unplanned C-section, on the finale!  Baby Dean is a really cute baby, so congrats are in order for that!  Hey, keeping it real! Anyway, John didn’t disappoint in this last episode.  He gave us the same chauvinistic remarks he has given us all season.  Therefore, thank you John for giving me so much to write about!  While in the hospital with his wife and newborn son, John tells her he has her beat, because she didn’t go through any pain.  Kathryn responds by saying childbirth was the most painful thing she has ever gone through in her life.  He then tells her she is making this all about her and he had it worse because he had to look at the birth of HIS SON!  I don’t believe in violence, but I wish Kathryn had gone Ike Turner on his behind!

We later see the couple months later and Kathryn asks John to watch Baby Dean for an hour so she can go grocery shopping.  John reveals he doesn’t like “babysitting” and being alone with his baby.  The couples segment ends with John blessing us with his philosophy on the duties between men and women.  He informs us that men are not supposed to change diapers.  Again, thank you for giving me LOTS of material to write about this season.

Image Courtesy: @EllenLagoudes via Twitter
The only pic of Baby Dean I could find so #ShoutOut to Auntie Ellen!

Blair and Jeff

As a result of a deteriorating sex life, Blair and Jeff seek help from a sex therapist.  There, we learn that for the first 9 months of their relationship, they had sex every day.  Now, the two are having sex about once a week.  Jeff admits to the therapist that he masturbates 3 times a day, but will go 3 days without masturbating so he can be horny enough to have sex with Blair.  Blair rightfully gets enraged and hurt at that comment because he feels like Jeff is saying he has to do SO much in order to be aroused to have sex with him.  After more talking, Jeff reflects on his childhood and how he always had to do everything his parents way and the therapist interjects by saying that Jeff’s thinking might be bleeding into his relationship with Blair.

Later, their therapist makes them do a couple of role playing exercises where Blair would be Jeff and Jeff would be Blair. She asks them to keep it PG, however, I’ve never seen a full-blown make out session in a PG rated movie… Go figure! Anyway, Blair, acting like Jeff, begins by asking Blair to turn the TV to the Science Network because he can’t stand Bravo TV.  Shout out to Bravo! Jeff, playing Blair, later tries to get multiple kisses from Jeff, played by Blair, and Blair, played by Jeff, turns him down.  OMG, even I’m getting confused by this recap. My apologies! Through the role-playing exercise, they learn more about how the other is feeling and that they both need to make changes in their relationship. In the end, Jeff says Blair has taught him to listen more and be more compassionate.  Blair has learned that he is kind of needy.  On a side note, Blair was wearing a JB sweater.  Could that sweater stand for “Just Blair?”  I choose to think so.

Image Courtesy: zimbio.com

Tina and Tarz

After not hearing from her dad in some time, Tina finally gets a phone call from her dad asking her to meet him at a Hookah lounge.  While there, he tells her that he is getting married.  Tina goes balistic and asks if his PYT is pregnant?  He tells her, he is not getting married to Heather, but another woman named Seema, who Tina has never met. She is an Indian woman who is also a widow.  This whole storyline came out of left field!  I wish we could have heard from Heather, his former jump-off! Anyway, while Tina is giving her dad a piece of her mind, he tells her to respect Seema because she is going to be her new mother.  Um, Tina is not a child and she doesn’t need any new mothers.  Sorry!  Tina then throws her glass and we later notice there is a man next to them who is wiping off his face!

We later see Tina at her fathers wedding and we meet Seema who seems nice enough.  In the end, Tina and Tarz reflect on how they had a crappy first year of marriage because so much has happened within the first year.  However, they feel lucky to be married to each other.  We then find out that the two are expecting a baby boy! Congrats!

Image Courtesy: Bravo

WWHL

All the couples came together for a special Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen to talk about the season and how their lives are now.  For starters, Andy seemed very agitated, bored and looked like he didn’t want to be there.  Kind of like when he interviewed Jill Zarin.  Some believe he could have been sick because he was coughing a lot but, who knows.  His twitter account didn’t show that much excitement, only 2 -3 tweets about the newlyweds.  When he is excited about a guest or a reunion, he definitely tweets about it.  Therefore, I am a little scared about the fate of a second season!  They deserve one though!  Anyway, the details…

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Tina looked fabulous and was showing a lot of cleavage in her dress, Katherine AND Alaska lost A LOT of baby weight, Kim was working new hair, and Blair had on an adorable sweater. Due to the fact that there are 8 people in the cast, 30 minutes was not enough time to fully get to the bottom of things.  They talked about each couple, starting with Blair and Jeff.

After the first episode Blair and Jeff received a not so nice letter from Jeff’s parents addressing their portrayal on the show. Blair responded to that letter and I know that he gave them the B-I Business!  They later were asked a question about their sex life and Blair decided to talk about how they got food poisoning at one of the Life After Top Chef’s restaurants.  He later said their sex life is much better, especially since he is wearing jock straps and getting enemas.  Andy looked so disgusted and said TMI.  He had the same kind of expression on his face when Dwight, from Real Housewives of Atlanta, showed him his penile implant.

Image Courtesy: Bravo

The next couple talked about was Kathryn and John.  Kathryn defended John’s antics and off colored comments about her weight by agreeing that she did get really big and it was unfair to him, given it was their first year of marriage.  Blair and the rest of us, could not believe the conclusion Kathryn had come up with! However, I really believe these two are meant to be. She likes his antics and John is not going to change his ways.  They also talked about how Ellen, John’s sister, was not a good sister in law but she is a stellar Auntie.

Image Courtesy: Bravo

It looks like things have gone well with Kim and Alaska.  They both claim that the show missed his punch lines to the crazy comments he made, however, he is happy Kim heard them. They also talked more about Kim’s comfort in allowing Alaska to take the lead.

Image Courtesy: Bravo
How hip do they look?

They ended the show with Tina and Tarz.  Given Tina’s small size and the fact she was drinking alcohol I thought she had another miscarriage.  However, I was pleased to find out she had given birth 2 weeks prior!  Wow, she looked ridiculously fit! When asked what the baby’s name was, she told Andy he would have to wait until it comes out in US Weekly.  Again, Andy looked agitated and even made some slick comments under his breath.  We heard ya Andy!

Image Courtesy: Bravo

The question for the night was, “Which couple do you think will last the longest?”  Well, the winner was….drum role please…. TINA and TARZ with 39% of the votes. Next was John and Kathryn with 26%, then Kim and Alaska with 18% and in last place Blair and Jeff with 17%.  Wow, I was kind of surprised!  I wish I was a fly on the wall in Blair’s dressing room after the results came out.

Image Courtesy: Bravo
I know Blair is pissed!

All in all, this season was great and I am going to keep my fingers crossed for a second season!  What did you all think about the finale and the reunion? Leave a comment.

That’s all for now, fatties,

The Reality Fatty

Newlyweds: The First Year- Blair Thinks You’re Lying!

Hey there Fatties,

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Last night’s episode of Newlyweds: The First Year was AMAZING!  Not just because there was unexpected drama on the show, but the aftermath of that drama played out for the world to see on twitter, made it even more delicious!  However, we will get to that shortly!  Last night we saw a new story line come out of left field from Tina and Tarz, Blair and Jeff fight over money and sex AGAIN, Alaska and Kim getting more airtime, and Kathryn and John awaiting baby Dean.  There’s so much to talk about so, let’s get to it!

Alaska and Kim

Although these two started out the episode the same way we usually see them, fighting, we got to see a softer side to this couple that wasn’t abruptly interrupted by a phone call or an argument!  Alaska and Kim had family over for dinner and we got to hear about Alaska and his father’s once tumultuous relationship and how it has gotten better.  We also got to see the whole family cooking and smiling, which was very reminiscent of a Soul Food moment! I loved it!  Another high point for this couple was Alaska surprising Kim with a honeymoon to Mexico.  These two needed to get away because the streets were talking and a lot of people thought you guys weren’t going to make it.  I’m glad Alaska is turning on his sweeter side!

Image Courtesy: cookingwiththemovies.blogspot.com
Mommmmaaaaa, Mommmaaaaa you know I love youuuu!

John and Kathryn

We start of the show with a 36 week pregnant Kathryn, who is going to a Lamaze class with John.  While in the class, as a result of hearing what the other husbands were doing for their wives, Kathryn finds out that John should have been doing way more for her than what he was doing.  They also realize they have not been having sex as frequently as the other couples.  John blames it on the fact that he has a Greek god phallus and is afraid of hurting his unborn child.  Later, back at the house, Ellen and Kathryn’s sister come over and we find out that John will be keeping his pool table.  John said himself he never had to do anything he didn’t want to do, so I guess we can attribute it to that.  After a poor attempt at securing the car seat in his car and proclaiming what he did was “good enough,” he gives up and goes back in the house.  Hey, if you think that crappy attempt is good enough for Baby Dean, who am I to question it? Their storyline ends with Kathryn trying to self induce her labor through various methods, including sex, because she is 12 days past her delivery date. Come into the world already baby Dean James Lagoudes!

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Blair and Jeff

We start the show by Jeff telling us how quiet it is since Blair is in New York visiting friends and family and how he likes it!  When Blair returns, the two boys are sunbathing and Blair jumps on top of his husband to start making out and tells him to take him downstairs so they can, you know, DO IT! Jeff promptly turns Blair down, causing Blair to become frustrated and me to raise an eyebrow.  Blair claims Jeff has lost his sexual appetite but Jeff lets him know how inaccurate he is because he is still pleasing himself at least 2-3 times a day!  Blair responds by saying “Jeff is more in love with Palmela and her 5 sisters,” referring to a hand job.  Jeff would like for them to become more sexually adventurous by having sex outside the house and Blair is not feeling that idea.  However, it might be a good idea to spice things up a little bit because Jeff is clearly getting bored and I’m getting scared for one of my favorite couples.

Later the conversation goes from sex to finances and Blair has to inquire about the completion of the wills.  Good job Blair for standing your ground!  Blair asks what lawyer they will go to in order to sign the wills and Jeff said he wanted to find someone who wasn’t a lawyer, so it could be less expensive.  Como?  If you could go to a lawyer for legal advice, without Blair, I would think it would be just as or more important to get the documents drafted and signed by an attorney.  In the end, Jeff tries to calm Blair’s nerves by telling him he loves him and he wants to make the marriage last forever, and blah blah blah.  Once the will gets drafted and signed, then I can accept that speech as accurate.  However, until then, Jeff, you are on notice, Buddy! Lol!

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Tina and Tarz

The drama flowed from this couple tonight!  We started off by seeing a horrible moment for the two, when they had a miscarriage.  I was really excited for the possibility of an instant glitter baby but, I’m sure if the show is renewed, we will get to experience another glitter baby journey with Tina and Tarz because they WILL be parents!  While dealing with their loss, Tina’s father gave them and us, a heap of added drama, when he introduced them to his version of a PYT (Pretty Young Thing).  She was Anglo, blonde, and everything he didn’t want Tina to date. Can you smell the hypocrisy?  They were making out at the table and just over all doing way too much!  At one point, his girlfriend told them they were thinking about getting married and having a baby to add to the 4 she already has!  She also told Tina she doesn’t know what it is like to be a mother, making Tina become sad and Tarz become furious.  Tina’s father, who was privy to the loss she just suffered, sat there uncaring of his daughter’s feelings.  It was all just too crazy and gross!

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Twitter Beef

There was lots of drama on twitter yesterday surrounding the new Tina and Tarz storyline involving their father.  Many viewers thought it was contrived, including Newlyweds own Blair Late!  Blair sent out a tweet that was delicious!

Blair Late @blairlate

Although Entertaining no 1 seems 2 b buying @TinaSugandh Dad scene. ME Neither! Wasnt he an actor/entertainer b4? @NewlyWedsFYFans #fishy

This enraged Tina and Tarz, leaving them to tweet

TINA @TinaSugandh

@blairlate @NewlyWedsFYFans BLAIR! You filmed the same show as me. @EvaDestruction wouldn’t allow us to fake ANYTHING!

TARZ @TheyCallMeTarz

@blairlate @TinaSugandh @NewlyWedsFYFans Wait – aren’t you an entertainer by trade lol? #GlassHouses and #StrangeComments

Given we all know Blair can go further, he tweets

Blair Late @blairlate

@TheyCallMeTarz @TinaSugandh @NewlyWedsFYFans A singer and reporter and designer, yes!!! #callingitlikeitseems #rottenindenmark #notalone

Blair Late @blairlate

@TinaSugandh @NewlyWedsFYFans DUH! Not suggesting anyone else knew silly!!!! Entertaining none the less! Staying Tuned I suppose!

Hilarious!  Given the couples will be on WWHL, I agree with @NewlywedsFYFans who tweeted:

Newlyweds: TFY Fans @NewlyWedsFYFans

@blairlate @TinaSugandh @TheyCallMeTarz there is only one episode left, so make up or save it for #wwhl . Lol! #newlyweds

All of this drama is getting me even more excited to see the WWHL special going down next Monday, after the finale!  Anyway, lots of drama and can’t wait until next week.

Have an awesome day Fatties,

The Reality Fatty

Newlyweds: The First Year – “Going for the Gold”

Hey, Hey, Hey, Fatties!

Image Courtesy: Bravo

This week’s episode of Newlyweds was muy delicioso!  We had the baby shower from hell, a brief appearance by Alaska and Kim, the possibility of Tina having a little glitter baby, and Jeff showing us his shady side!  Yes I’m going to get on the beloved Jeff. You too can get it because you definitely need to be talked about for the stunt you pulled on last night’s episode.  With that being said, lets get to it!

Jeff and Blair

Last night, we saw a whole different side of Jeff.  While the two were discussing their respective plans for the day, and while Blair was putting on his 1993 Zack Morris shirt, Jeff decided to withhold the fact that he was going to see an estate-planning attorney to discuss certain legal issues that might arise between he and his husband.  The funny thing is when he met up with the attorney, one of the first questions the attorney asked him was where the heck his husband was?  After stumbling over the question and finally coming up with the answer that he thought he wouldn’t be able to get a word in edgewise if Blair came, he began to ask the questions that he and Blair argued about days earlier.  It was so obvious that all of Jeff’s questions were geared towards supporting his own arguments, that the attorney had to ask Jeff what did he want the outcome of the conversation to be? He also had to remind him that marriage isn’t a business! Insert the NeNe Leakes #Bloop here!  This whole situation was #shadyboots at it’s finest!

Later, while preparing to go to a meeting with a financial planner, Blair asked Jeff how the meeting came about? Jeff tries to casually say it came about after speaking with an attorney.  He knew the wrath of Blair was coming his way when he immediately tried to regurgitate the information he learned to Blair.  Blair rightfully tells him that he should have been at the meeting as well.  At that point, all I could think about was Blair saying in a previous episode, “ I pay more, Jeff!” Anyway, we next see them at the meeting with the financial advisor who tells them that if Blair’s name is added to the house, they would have to pay an expensive Federal gift tax.  This comes as a result of gay marriage not being legal in California.  As a result of this expense, it seems as if Blair concedes.  Given Blair is a faithful reader of REALITYFATTY.COM, thanks boo, I wanted to remind him of the idea he had earlier to make Jeff include the gifting of the house in his will.  Just some advice between girlfriends!

Courtesy of Bravo
Omg, Jeff is acting Shady!

Alaska and Kim

Alaska and Kim were barely seen in tonight’s episode and come to think of it, any episodes prior, as well!  I feel like he spoke more in his Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta cameo than he did on last night’s episode of Newlyweds!  I am wondering if it is because he is in Los Angeles most of the time?  Anyway, last night we saw them having a really fun couples bike ride through the streets of New York and then having, what was supposed to be, a romantic lunch.  It would have been just that if Atlanta wasn’t constantly on his phone and if he hadn’t left abruptly leaving Kim to peddle home alone!  After EVERY episode, I am left feeling upset with Alaska, due to how he treats his seemingly good woman, Kim.  However, after this episode, I was left feeling really sad for him because it became evident how much he missed his mother and how her loss has shaped how he chooses to handle certain situations. The viewers were able to learn more about Alaska and I definitely thank him for that!

Courtesy of Bravo
My pictures small because my role on the show is small! Wahhhh

John, Kathryn, AND Ellen

I have included all of their names because Ellen, John’s sister, really went for the gold tonight, and not in a good way! Before the baby shower from hell happened, there was another situation that was worthy of being talked about.  While getting little Dean James Lagoudes’ room together, John tells us how his father taught him to get a good education, so he wouldn’t have to do any manual labor.  As a result of this thinking, he hires someone to do the not so heavy lifting.  Kathryn on the other hand, remembers her father doing all of the handy work around her house so, it puzzles her why John can’t do the same.  Anyway, while painting the room, Kathryn walks in and tells John there is a problem at their tanning salon.  Before she can begin to think of ways to solve the problem, John immediately takes over and shushes Kathryn while she is trying to give ways of remedying the situation. While being rude to his wife, like always, John has a big paint stain on his nose and I just can’t understand how anyone in the room can take him seriously?

Later, the two have their baby shower and it looks like they hit the jackpot gift wise, like they did at their wedding.  There, John AND Ellen go for the gold in ruining what was supposed to be a special moment in Kathryn’s life.  While playing a fun game of “Guess how big Kathryn got,” where the player has to cut a piece of ribbon they believe would fit perfectly around the pregnant woman, John decides to cut the longest and most absurd piece of ribbon to represent Kathryn’s size!  Of course, Kathryn’s feelings were hurt.  One would think this was the only thing that could go wrong at a baby shower. However, this is Bravo, and they always want you to go further!  Enter Ellen!  Ellen decides to vent her frustration of not being included in the photo album, in front of everyone, during a toast!  I’m slightly confused because I thought Ellen and Kathryn had squashed this beef earlier in the season?  However, Ellen said she will NEVER forget!  She then tells Kathryn that hopefully she will be able to see some pictures of her in the baby shower photo album!  Ellen definitely gets the gold for punking a pregnant woman at her own baby shower!  I couldn’t help but laugh!  Thank you Ellen for that made by Bravo moment!

Courtesy of Bravo
I’m still MAD! This will teach you to exclude me from photo albums!!!

Tina and Tarz

Last night Tina and Tarz had a conversation in bed, which was very reminiscent of Blair and Jeff’s sex convo last week.  Of course, Tina played the role of Blair and Tarz was Jeff.  At the end of the conversation, Tina says she feels alone in the marriage because Tarz works so much and he hasn’t cut back on work hours, as originally promise.  Tarz felt bad that those words were coming out of Tina’s mouth at such an early stage in their marriage but, the two episodes left will tell us if Tarz cut back some on his workload.

Courtesy of Bravo and Newlyweds: The First Year Facebook page

Later on in the episode, we find out that Tina and Tarz are going to take a nude photo shoot!  This was exciting because I love seeing gorgeous people act insecure over their perfect bodies!  While meeting with the photographer, Tina displays her Big Bird goes to PRIDE outfit, which both the photog and Tarz hate!  Later, they scrap her Sesame Street idea and shoot naturally beautiful pictures, displaying both of their Gerber Baby Butts.  In the end, the pictures came out perfect, as we all knew they would, and we found out that in the next episode, Tina is a week LATE!

Courtesy of Bravo
We’re beautiful! Yay!

Overall, fatties, last nights episode was AMAZING and I can’t wait for next Monday.  What were your thoughts about this week’s episode?  Did you think Jeff was acting shady last night?  What are your opinions about John? Do you think Alaska and Kim are on the show enough? Whatever your thoughts are, leave a comment below!

See you later, Fatties,

The Reality Fatty

Newlyweds: The First Year- All I want is EVERYTHING!

Hey Fatties,

This week’s episode of Newlyweds was Ridiculously Amazing!  Within the first three minutes of the show, we were gifted with a gold medal reality show moment!  The Newlyweds tonight made us feel an array of emotions, which included anger, slight discomfort, and extreme happiness. So, with that being said, lets get this party started!

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Blair and Jeff

Tonight, these boys created an unforgettable Reality TV moment within the first 3 minutes of the episode!  After being married for only 4 months and 2 weeks, Blair complains to Jeff about how they haven’t had sex in 2 weeks.  While Blair is stressing the importance of sex in a marriage, Jeff tries to explain that he feels more fulfilled cooking and watching home improvement shows with Blair.  At this moment, Blair reminds us why he was strategically chosen to be on Bravo, when he responds by saying, “Well how come I can’t suck you off on the couch while you are watching your home improvement shows? What’s wrong with that?”  This was such an unexpected response it made me clutch my pearls and LIVE at the same time!  Blair’s sexual aggressiveness, that was displayed tonight, makes Jeff feel like having sex is more of an obligation than something they both want to do.  After Jeff tries to defend his position, Blair tells him he should be flattered that a young hot blonde, who is 16 years younger than him, wants him!  Considering Blair said that various times throughout the episode, it is safe to say that he truly believes he is the golden ticket, so Jeff better get it together!  In the end, Blair leaves us with another memorable quote by saying, “No Pee-Pee in the Booty for 2 weeks!”

The topic of Finances was another catalyst for an argument between Blair and Jeff.  Jeff wanted to establish a joint bank account and Blair wanted to keep his money, HIS MONEY!  Tonight, we also found out that, “Blair pays more, Jeff!”  In the end, the conversation was left unresolved and I am sure it will be revisited in the 3 episodes remaining.

Courtesy of Bravo
It’s been two weeks since sex AND I’m paying more, Jeff!

Kathryn and John

The feeling of anger began to build for many viewers, while watching Kathryn and John’s segment.  Kathryn is 16 weeks pregnant, or in non-pregnant people talk, she’s 4 months pregnant.  While John is eating ice cream, which is something he looks like he has had practice doing for some time, he begins to tell Kathryn that she is eating way too much, but ends it with a “my love.”  Ending a READ with “my love” does not change the fact that it is a READ!  That’s like someone telling you, “You look like a Fat Pig today, my love!” Either way, they still think you look like a fat pig.  Anyway, I digress, John then goes on a rant and says his wife is gaining weight and he has never fooled around with a fat person before.  If he has fooled around with himself, then he has fooled around with a fat person.  Sorry, John! Well, the two start looking at their wedding video and he reminds her how thin she was and proceeds to pull out a magazine of a thinner pregnant model and compares Kathryn to her.  He ends it by expressing his fear that he will never see her thin body again.

Courtesy of Bravo
John: Kathryn, you’re a Fatso, not a Fattie!

Tina and Tarz

Tonight, Tina was a star! She made us laugh, feel sexy, and a little uncomfortable.  Tarz, on the other hand, made us feel sorry for him and want to give him a shoulder to cry on!  We begin by seeing Tina and Tarz prep for the premiere party of a Bollywood Magazine they did a bridal shoot for.  While prepping, Tina admits that she has kept Tarz a secret from her fans because he is White and she thinks they will not accept him.  She then reads hateful tweets of former fans calling her unauthentic because she is with a White man.  As a result of hiding Tarz, she is considering this event as their “coming out party.”

While picking out clothes for the event, Tarz approaches Tina’s father, who was there for some reason, and invites him to lunch in an attempt to bond.  Although Tina’s father says they don’t need to bond, he agrees to go with Tarz.  On the day of their “lunch date” Tarz, running late, arrives to a very annoyed father in law. Instantly, Tina’s dad gets on Tarz’ lateness and the fact that they are not at an Indian Food Restaurant.  When Tarz reminds him that he loves Italian Food, in particular Lasagna, Tina’s dad eases off a little bit because, they are at an Italian Food Restaurant.  At this point, the remainder of the lunch looks like it will be successful! That is, until the waiter informs Tina’s dad that they have no lasagna!  From this point it was a sinking ship and their problems will have to be solved on another day!  On the other side of town, Tina meets up with Tarz’ mother and talks to her about the one thing no parent wants to hear about their child: Their sex life.  Tina asks her mother in law for tips on how to get Tarz turned on and even asks her if Tarz was gay?  They end their conversation with Tarz’ mother saying that it was TMI.

The biggest part of the night for Tina, in this girls opinion, was when Tina was on the stage performing!  She looked amazing and was getting it in on the stage!  Tina showed us why she is a Bollywood Pop Princess and I am drinking the kool-aid, hunty!   Based on the long recap of Tina and Tarz, it is clear they had a BIG night!

Courtesy of Bravo
Is your son Gay?

Kim and Alaska

The usual problems plagued this couple tonight.  The frequency of living apart is starting to wear on Kim.  However, we at least know the sex is amazing between the two of them whenever Alaska returns from Los Angeles.  The most exciting part of their storyline, tonight, was when the two went to Alaska’s promoter friend’s party! The man entered on a horse and I just thought that entrance was EVERYTHING!  The unfortunate thing about the two not living with each other constantly is that things will be fine the first couple of days but when it is time for him to leave again, they get into an argument.  They need to figure it out because, the streets are talking and people don’t believe they will be together much longer.  Hopefully it gets better!  Btw, Alaska, get your own food!

Courtesy of Bravo
You better get me my food, Kim!

Overall, fatties, this episode was very fulfilling!  There are only 3 episodes left, so I will be watching and reviewing them for you!  Make sure you leave a comment below!

Until next time Fatties,

The Reality Fatty

Newlyweds: The First Year- “Can You Let Me Talk?”

Happy Memorial Day, Fatties,

Image Courtesy: Bravo

This week’s episode of Newlyweds was filled with wedding bliss, sex scheduling, bossiness, and communication issues between the couples.

Jeff and Blair

Jeff and Blair had plenty of touching moments in this episode, which can be considered, their REAL wedding episode.  As we saw in the first episode, their domestic union was more of a business proceeding, as opposed to a ceremony.  This go round, the boys had a rehearsal dinner, a beautiful ceremony, and an amazing reception!  At the rehearsal dinner, Blair’s mother approached a seemingly sad Jeff, and let him know that although his family didn’t come, she is his family now and he can always count on her.  Blair’s mother always knows what to say! I love her on the show! The best part of the episode was seeing Blair shake a tail feather!  We saw him crump and twerk the night away, even to the point of ripping his pants! A happily, intoxicated, Jeff even got in on the action by flailing his arms around and declaring it dance moves!  Overall, Jeff and Blair was the most functional couple of the night!

Courtesy of Bravo
“Hey Jeff, easy access!”

Tina and Tarz

Tonight, we saw this couple going to a doctor to ask questions about fertility.  After being called “Old” by a doctor that Tina thought looked too young to be giving them medical advice, Tina and Tarz received a sex schedule to improve their chances of getting pregnant.  Of course, due to Tarz not liking to be told what to do, he has a problem with the schedule and feels it’s absurd.  His complaining made me think the schedule was for a year, instead of the ONE-month the Doctor recommended.  I guess we will find out in the episodes to come if Tarz is going to comply with the Doctor’s recommendation.  Tina deserves a notable mention for bringing great one-liners for the night! Again, this is why she and Blair are the runaway stars of the show!

Courtesy of http://templates.entheosweb.com
Have sex ONLY on the 12th, 14th and 16th!!!

Kathryn and John

As a result of John being rich, very rich, he decides to buy Kathryn a tanning salon, to give her something to do. During her first meeting with her staff, right after she informs them that they are not tanning salon workers but, skin consultants, John abruptly interrupts the meeting with his presence.  He informs Kathryn that he will be keeping the books and tells us that he does not consider her to be his partner, but his employee.  Burn! The most fascinating thing we discover within Kathryn and John’s storyline is that they received $40,500, in monetary gifts, from wedding guests!  At that point, it became a little clearer as to why Kathryn puts up with so much of John’s mess! Do whatcha gotta do!

Courtesy of Bravo
If you didn’t know, I’m rich, VERY rich!

Kim and Alaska

In saving the most problematic couple for last, Kim and Alaska had a lot of mess go down in tonight’s episode!  For starters, in the first scene, Alaska woke up earlier than Kim and instead of respecting the fact she was sleep, he decides to wake her from her slumber by blasting loud music! Who does that? I guess the same person that will also walk away from their wife, when she is in midsentence, so he can take a shower.  Just rude! Later in the episode, we finally see a sweeter side of Alaska when he takes Kim on a cooking date. However, he later ruins all of that by going to Los Angeles, without giving her notice and information on where he is going to stay.  Kim, Alaska is doing what “Masters” do! He is inconsiderate of your needs and doesn’t run the simplest things by you.  Maybe you should stop entertaining him, even in joking, by calling him “Master of the house,” because HE BELIEVES IT!

Courtesy of Bravo
My shower time is my ME time!

In the end, next week should be just as chaotic as this week.  Therefore, I can’t wait to watch! Leave a comment below to share your thoughts on the episode!  Also, which couple do you think is the most dysfunctional? Answer the poll below!

Keep it Classy, Fatties,

The Reality Fatty

Newlyweds: The First Year -“Be Mine”

Hey fatties,

This week on Newlyweds, we saw some MAJOR drama: Pregnancy tests were revealed, RSVP’s were accounted for and we finally figured out which apartment Kim and Alaska chose! Read on because it is all laid out for ya!

Image Courtesy: Bravo

Tina and Tarz

The episode begins with Tina and Tarz awaiting their pregnancy test results in their Riverside, CA house.  Jokingly, Tina says Tarz’ sperm is lazy, so it’s probably doing the backstroke to her eggs, trying to impregnate her. When the results come back negative, she says it’s his fault. We then see that Tina is worried that, as a result of her age, it will be difficult for her to have a baby.  Tina ends the baby talk by suggesting they see her Gynecologist to figure out what is wrong with Tarz!

Courtesy of Bravo

Later on, we see Tina and Tarz in their NY apartment and hear Tina singing as a result of songwriting. After trying to engage in a conversation with Tarz and getting a busy signal, she decides to leave and have lunch with her best friend/choreographer. There, they discuss what her plans are regarding her career and touring.  She worries she will get frustrated with Tarz having a mega career and being able to travel while she only has a ¼ of her life.  A special shout goes to her friend who created these doubts and put them in her head! THAAAANKS!

On the arrival of Valentines Day, Tarz wants to surprise Tina with a gift.  When they see each other and he asks her if she’s ready for the surprise, she tells him she has her Hoe outfit and her drag queen makeup on so, she’s ready!  When they get upstairs, she sees a spread of delicious food and blue decorations.  Blue happens to be her favorite color.  He also surprises her with her favorite chef. Afterwards, they dance the night away, with Tarz looking like he is suffering from multiple seizures!  Unfortunately, when they return home, instead of the sex Tina wants to have, she sleeps alone to the sound of Tarz typing away on his computer.

Courtesy of Bravo
Tarz: I dance CRAZY!

Kathryn and John

After awaiting her pregnancy test, Kathryn discovers that she is pregnant. Immedietly, John takes a picture of the test to send to relatives, which infuriates Kathryn.  Given, it is still the first trimester and they have a history of miscarriages in their family, she wants to wait until the third month, at least.

Courtesy of bestieswithtesties.com

Later on, Ellen, John’s sister comes to their house and begins to tell a lovely story about her friend who had a miscarriage. What an awesome story to tell a newly pregnant woman!  Kathryn rightfully snaps and runs to her room.

We move forward to Valentines day, and while Kathryn is going dress shopping, John is making the crappiest brownies ever!  At one point John even says that his making brownies is better than buying Kathryn diamonds.  I would beg to differ!  Anyway, while Kathryn is shopping, she is finding that she can’t fit into anything! To me, that is the least of her worries because all of the dresses I saw were hideous! I don’t know what store Kathryn went to, but that was not the one!  Where is Kim when you need her?   Anyway, Kathryn settles on an outfit and has to call John to approve the purchase.  After he obliges her, she comes back home to disgusting brownies for Valentines day! Yay!

Courtesy of Bravo
My brownies are better than Diamonds!

Blair and Jeff

Jeff and Blair discuss how Blair received a text saying that his musical idol, Whitney Houston, has died.  In the middle of Blair explaining, he begins to cry at the thought of the legendary DIVA, passing away.  Jeff thought Blair’s reaction was overdramatic because he thought one of their immediate friends or family had passed.  In an attempt to prove why he was justified for feeling distraught, he goes into a list of people who sent him a text message informing him of Whitney’s death.  Among those names was his Nanny from childhood, giving more reason why he is Scarlet O’Hara, instead of the sharecropper! Blair later imitates Whitney, and he did a pretty good job on his Whitney runs!

Courtesy of Bravo

On another day, Blair has a hissy fit after seeing that Jeff gardened in his D & G shirt, so he tells him to change.  After Jeff changes out of the shirt and returns to Blair, he tells Jeff that his mother sent them Jeff’s mom’s RSVP and they should open it.  The RSVP response starts off very polite, giving false hope, just for his mother to mark the NO box. Jeff looked devastated.

After dealing with that depressing moment, Jeff and Blair decided to go to a gay youth program, on Valentines Day, to show them a positive gay relationship.  Jeff started off shaky and originally needed to pass the mic to Blair, a natural public speaker, until Jeff got more comfortable and started to speak from the heart. The best part of the scene was Blair’s confusion on the purpose of saran wrap doubling as a dental dam!  The look on his face when Jeff told him that he has used it before with someone else, was priceless!

After Jeff and Blair left the youth program, Blair surprised Jeff with a gondola ride.  Later we see the two in their bed and Jeff presents Blair with some saran wrap, so they can try some stuff out! Blair decides to just kiss through it and the show ends.

Courtesy of Bravo
Do those runs, Blair!

Kim and Alaska

At this point we see Alaska and Kim living a bicoastal life.  While he is in Los Angeles, Kim is in New York feeling that he travels too much.  Later, she has dinner with her dad, who she considers to be her best friend.  At dinner, she expresses her frustrations about Alaska wanting to eventually settle down in Los Angeles and how she hates LA and doesn’t like the people.  GASP!   Her dad tells her that her heart will always be in New York and that Alaska might have to follow her lead at some point.  He is giving her advice from his own experiences of playing second fiddle to her mother.

Courtesy of Bravo
He’s Bossy!

Weeks later, we see Kim, in a beautiful red coat, touring the Harlem apartment she wanted that Alaska agreed to buy.  Later we see a clip of Alaska saying, “Like his dad, he wants to be MASTER of the house, but doesn’t want to be a jerk.”  Kim later goes shopping with her friends but has to incorporate Alaska’s love for red. After having a hard time compromising on shopping, Kim realizes that Alaska is cramping her style.

When Alaska returns to New York, he is seen packing for the move with Kim and his sister.  Kim asks Alaska when he will be going back to LA and he responds Tuesday so, thats the day HE will be finished packing.  Alaska then says whatever is not done by Tueasday will fall back on Kim and her friends. He informs Kim that he has to make the money for them so there shouldn’t be any complaints.  At this point, even Alaska’s own sister sees he is being a jerk.  However, Alaska says he plays to win, so there will be some casualties.  Kim compares him to her father-in-law but Alaska said he is more of a sweetheart than his father back when he was Alaska’s age.  Later, Alaska realizes Kim is angry and decides to take her for some fresh air.  They make up as a result of him apologizing.

Courtesy of Bravo
Accept that I am THE MASTER!

Overall, the show produced some hilarious moments!  Alaska and Kim stepped it up and Alaska seriously got some “Splaining” to do!  Also, did Alaska and Kim not do anything for Valentines Day?  What do you think about the cast?  Leave a comment to let me know!

Enjoy your day, fatties,

The Reality Fatty

Newlyweds: The First Year – The Honeymoon’s Over (Episode 2)

Hello fatties,

Image Courtesy: Bravo

This episode, we see all the couple’s deal with the grit of marriage after the glitz and the glamour of the honeymoon is over.

Kathryn and John

After a beautiful honeymoon in Antigua and deciding upon having a honeymoon baby, at the insistence of Kathryn, the couple returns home to open their Wedding gifts.  There we see John’s inner Veruca Salt come out when receiving ONLY $100 from a particular family member.  After Kathryn nervously tries to do damage control, as she is actually aware a camera is following them, John does his best at pretending to be grateful.

Courtesy of chenpr.com

The next morning, Kathryn prepares a wonderful breakfast for John, fulfilling his desire of having a wife who stays at home, makes breakfast, cleans the house and supports his dreams.  After eating breakfast, John thanks her with his words and by handing her a list of things to do while he is at work.  After completing all her household chores, Kathryn notices that she is becoming a shopaholic and is getting worried. Can someone say #WhiteGirlProblems? Well, John solves this problem by taking away the credit card and giving her a cash allowance instead.  How “Ricky Ricardo” of him!  At the end of the episode, Kathryn is about to take a pregnancy test.  After we hear Kathryn using the restroom, we LITERALLY hear her doing her business, we see her looking at the test crying.  Of course we will find out the results next Monday!

Courtesy of Bravo

Blair and Jeff

After becoming domestic partners, Blair and Jeff go to Savannah, Georgia to plan their commitment ceremony or wedding, as Blair prefers to call it.  Given I agree with Blair, this wedding in Savannah looks like it is going to be Fabulous!  Although Blair is from Texas, he has always wanted his wedding to be in Savannah because he believes he was a plantation worker in his past life.  Um, Blair, if you were a plantation worker, I don’t believe you would be having your wedding at the big house.   You would have to make do with the shack in the back! How about we say you were Scarlett O’ Hara in your past life?

Courtesy of Gone With the Wind
I’m Gone With The Wind Fabulous!

Anyway, since Blair is the self-proclaimed bride, his parents are paying for the wedding!  This includes the reception food, which Blair clearly loves, as he taste tested the potential menu with spirit fingers in tote and food-gasm sounds a plenty.  The caterer almost won over Blair’s taste buds completely, that is, until he made the crucial mistake of serving Blair duck with some sort of bread stuffing.  Blair spit the food out immediately and began to have a gag/ dry heave-fest.  Although the Caterer looked like he wanted to DESTROY Blair, he managed to get out alive.

Courtesy of Bravo
I Made it! “Just Blair!”

In the midst of seeing Blair be so happy about an event that should actually cause happiness, we also see Jeff being less than thrilled.  Although he loves Blair, he is nervous about the repercussions of marrying a man.  He has already been cut out of his family’s life, including his niece and nephew for 8 years, after coming out of the closet.  Therefore, he is worried about how his family will treat him after the I-do’s.  His family’s resistance towards the wedding is seen when Blair is gleefully going through the RSVP’s, including one from a friend who lives in South Africa, while Jeff looks on waiting to see if his parents sent their RSVP back.  After asking if there were anymore RSVP’s left (Sadly, reminding me of Celie asking Mista if any letters came for her), and receiving the terrible news that there weren’t, Jeff breaks down crying.  In the end, Blair’s mother immediately saves the day by giving a much-needed “Cheers” to her “Sweet boys.”

Image courtesy of The Color Purple
Any mail come for me?

Tina and Tarz

After the wedding, there is no honeymoon for Tina and Tarz.  We see the couple in their Riverside, California home, which used to belong to her mother before she died.  Tarz is hard at work, while Tina is folding clothes and teasing him about having a baby.  Tarz is then shown in his confessional, telling us how he is putting his business first and his relationship second. Um, Tarz, “ A Successful marriage this does not make.”- What I presume Yoda would say.  Anyway, Tarz goes upstairs to take a Skype business call and before the meeting can end, Ms. Tina, the glitter queen, yells, “How come we’re not doing it right now?”  Tarz’ business partner looks noticeably uncomfortable.  However, Tina is unfazed.  Folks, this is a true reality star: Eccentric, Shameless, and Owning It!

Later on, in lieu of going on a Honeymoon, Tarz and Tina decide to do something crazy for 12 months, starting with getting a tattoo of her mother/first child’s name.  After dressing up in her tough girl outfit, which consisted of a motorcycle jacket and a bedazzled sequin beanie, and getting the surprisingly large tat, it was time for her to show her father.  Tina’s father did his usual greeting to Tarz, by insulting him in some way, and then after seeing the tattoo, calls it ugly, suitable for bad people and those who lack class, and asks if she can erase it?  After the lack of resolution, we cut to Tina taking a pregnancy test.  She is afraid that she won’t be able to have kids, as she met Tarz later in her life.  Of course, Bravo is making us wait until next week for the results.

Courtesy of Bravo

Alaska and Kim

After their wedding, Kim is disappointed that they did not go on a honeymoon.  Frankly, I am disappointed for her.  Especially when the camera pans out and we notice that Alaska’s sister and infant son are living with them.  While the couple talks about their future living situation, his nephew destroys their precious belongings, while the mother watches lackadaisically in the background.  She truly deserved a little thing I like to call an “Ike Turner Classic!” That’s a full-palmed pimp slap!  Anyway, back to the couple, Kim wants to live in Harlem, due to its black history and Alaska wants to live in the Bronx.  Wherever they live, Alaska wants it to be cheap, considering they will be living bi-coastally and he wants their New York apartment to be a crash pad, as he is planning on living in Los Angeles predominantly.  Although Kim has concerns and would prefer to live in New York predominantly, she is trying to limit the amount of times she talks back to Alaska, as she is trying to be more submissive because the woman is “just the rib of the man.”  This behavior is definitely in compliance with what Alaska wants from his wife, considering he says he wants to be the MASTER of the house.  O.K. Sho’nuff!

Courtesy of The Last Dragon

After checking out two amazing apartments in Harlem, Kim decides to use the verbiage Alaska used to convince him the apartment with the large walk in closet is the one for them.  In the end, we are left guessing which apartment they chose.

Courtesy of Bravo
I WANT TO LIVE IN HARLEM!

This episode of Newlyweds still kept my attention and the characters are really showing us why they were chosen to be a part of this documentary. What did you think about tonight’s episode? Is your favorite couple still your favorite? Leave your comment below!

Enjoy your day fatties,

-The Reality Fatty