Hey Fatties,
The last episode of Newlyweds left us feeling happy for some couples and uncertain about the future for others. Let’s get started.
Kim and Alaska
The show finally started off with Kim and Alaska! Congrats you guys! As a result of Alaska working on the West Coast, the couple flew from different coasts and met up in Mexico. There, we saw Kim overcome her fear of Dolphins and Alaska overcome his fear of taking a couples shower. How brave you both are! Another important thing the viewers got to see was Alaska and Kim’s genuine attraction and affection for each other. It was all going great, until they had a conversation at dinner on their last night in Mexico. Alaska feels like separation, as a result of work, is a good thing for their relationship because he still feels like they are dating. Afterwards, he tells Kim he still looks at her like she is his girlfriend and she said that was unsettling to hear. She thought that after a year of being married, emotionally they would be in a different place. We were left seeing the two walk into the sunset and feeling scared about what is to become of their union.
Kathryn and John
Kathryn finally has baby Dean, via an unplanned C-section, on the finale! Baby Dean is a really cute baby, so congrats are in order for that! Hey, keeping it real! Anyway, John didn’t disappoint in this last episode. He gave us the same chauvinistic remarks he has given us all season. Therefore, thank you John for giving me so much to write about! While in the hospital with his wife and newborn son, John tells her he has her beat, because she didn’t go through any pain. Kathryn responds by saying childbirth was the most painful thing she has ever gone through in her life. He then tells her she is making this all about her and he had it worse because he had to look at the birth of HIS SON! I don’t believe in violence, but I wish Kathryn had gone Ike Turner on his behind!
We later see the couple months later and Kathryn asks John to watch Baby Dean for an hour so she can go grocery shopping. John reveals he doesn’t like “babysitting” and being alone with his baby. The couples segment ends with John blessing us with his philosophy on the duties between men and women. He informs us that men are not supposed to change diapers. Again, thank you for giving me LOTS of material to write about this season.
Blair and Jeff
As a result of a deteriorating sex life, Blair and Jeff seek help from a sex therapist. There, we learn that for the first 9 months of their relationship, they had sex every day. Now, the two are having sex about once a week. Jeff admits to the therapist that he masturbates 3 times a day, but will go 3 days without masturbating so he can be horny enough to have sex with Blair. Blair rightfully gets enraged and hurt at that comment because he feels like Jeff is saying he has to do SO much in order to be aroused to have sex with him. After more talking, Jeff reflects on his childhood and how he always had to do everything his parents way and the therapist interjects by saying that Jeff’s thinking might be bleeding into his relationship with Blair.
Later, their therapist makes them do a couple of role playing exercises where Blair would be Jeff and Jeff would be Blair. She asks them to keep it PG, however, I’ve never seen a full-blown make out session in a PG rated movie… Go figure! Anyway, Blair, acting like Jeff, begins by asking Blair to turn the TV to the Science Network because he can’t stand Bravo TV. Shout out to Bravo! Jeff, playing Blair, later tries to get multiple kisses from Jeff, played by Blair, and Blair, played by Jeff, turns him down. OMG, even I’m getting confused by this recap. My apologies! Through the role-playing exercise, they learn more about how the other is feeling and that they both need to make changes in their relationship. In the end, Jeff says Blair has taught him to listen more and be more compassionate. Blair has learned that he is kind of needy. On a side note, Blair was wearing a JB sweater. Could that sweater stand for “Just Blair?” I choose to think so.
Tina and Tarz
After not hearing from her dad in some time, Tina finally gets a phone call from her dad asking her to meet him at a Hookah lounge. While there, he tells her that he is getting married. Tina goes balistic and asks if his PYT is pregnant? He tells her, he is not getting married to Heather, but another woman named Seema, who Tina has never met. She is an Indian woman who is also a widow. This whole storyline came out of left field! I wish we could have heard from Heather, his former jump-off! Anyway, while Tina is giving her dad a piece of her mind, he tells her to respect Seema because she is going to be her new mother. Um, Tina is not a child and she doesn’t need any new mothers. Sorry! Tina then throws her glass and we later notice there is a man next to them who is wiping off his face!
We later see Tina at her fathers wedding and we meet Seema who seems nice enough. In the end, Tina and Tarz reflect on how they had a crappy first year of marriage because so much has happened within the first year. However, they feel lucky to be married to each other. We then find out that the two are expecting a baby boy! Congrats!
WWHL
All the couples came together for a special Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen to talk about the season and how their lives are now. For starters, Andy seemed very agitated, bored and looked like he didn’t want to be there. Kind of like when he interviewed Jill Zarin. Some believe he could have been sick because he was coughing a lot but, who knows. His twitter account didn’t show that much excitement, only 2 -3 tweets about the newlyweds. When he is excited about a guest or a reunion, he definitely tweets about it. Therefore, I am a little scared about the fate of a second season! They deserve one though! Anyway, the details…
Tina looked fabulous and was showing a lot of cleavage in her dress, Katherine AND Alaska lost A LOT of baby weight, Kim was working new hair, and Blair had on an adorable sweater. Due to the fact that there are 8 people in the cast, 30 minutes was not enough time to fully get to the bottom of things. They talked about each couple, starting with Blair and Jeff.
After the first episode Blair and Jeff received a not so nice letter from Jeff’s parents addressing their portrayal on the show. Blair responded to that letter and I know that he gave them the B-I Business! They later were asked a question about their sex life and Blair decided to talk about how they got food poisoning at one of the Life After Top Chef’s restaurants. He later said their sex life is much better, especially since he is wearing jock straps and getting enemas. Andy looked so disgusted and said TMI. He had the same kind of expression on his face when Dwight, from Real Housewives of Atlanta, showed him his penile implant.
The next couple talked about was Kathryn and John. Kathryn defended John’s antics and off colored comments about her weight by agreeing that she did get really big and it was unfair to him, given it was their first year of marriage. Blair and the rest of us, could not believe the conclusion Kathryn had come up with! However, I really believe these two are meant to be. She likes his antics and John is not going to change his ways. They also talked about how Ellen, John’s sister, was not a good sister in law but she is a stellar Auntie.
It looks like things have gone well with Kim and Alaska. They both claim that the show missed his punch lines to the crazy comments he made, however, he is happy Kim heard them. They also talked more about Kim’s comfort in allowing Alaska to take the lead.
They ended the show with Tina and Tarz. Given Tina’s small size and the fact she was drinking alcohol I thought she had another miscarriage. However, I was pleased to find out she had given birth 2 weeks prior! Wow, she looked ridiculously fit! When asked what the baby’s name was, she told Andy he would have to wait until it comes out in US Weekly. Again, Andy looked agitated and even made some slick comments under his breath. We heard ya Andy!
The question for the night was, “Which couple do you think will last the longest?” Well, the winner was….drum role please…. TINA and TARZ with 39% of the votes. Next was John and Kathryn with 26%, then Kim and Alaska with 18% and in last place Blair and Jeff with 17%. Wow, I was kind of surprised! I wish I was a fly on the wall in Blair’s dressing room after the results came out.
All in all, this season was great and I am going to keep my fingers crossed for a second season! What did you all think about the finale and the reunion? Leave a comment.
That’s all for now, fatties,
The Reality Fatty